[Silently, he’s grateful that Steve continues, as if keeping their dialogue from falling idle while leading them through the trees way with some sense of purpose. It makes him feel as like there is something at the end for them to find, a proper conclusion for the both of them despite all their struggles, the scrapes and bruises underneath the surface that never quite healed. It wouldn’t be the first time that Steve’s firm persistence keeps his fears grounded. Likely won’t be the last.
But he doesn’t like the question given him, even if Steve says it earnestly with clear motives. It reminds him too much of when Steve used to ask him what he thought of things, just to make sure he was doing the right thing (not that a specific instance comes to mine, but he remembers the way Steve asks so distinctly that he feels as if an example is on the tip of his tongue). He takes a slow breath, drawing his lower lip into his mouth briefly and letting his teeth scrape roughly against the skin as it slips back out.]
Am I supposed to know? What I want. [Because there are only a few things he’s ever really wanted, and none of them are up to Bucky.] Getting by is all I know how to do.
[And it’s really the plain truth. Surviving is all he’s done, making things work so he can keep providing for the people he cares about. Except even that fell apart for him. He isn’t sure saying what he wants at this point will have an affect on things. What he wanted never really made a difference in the first place, all things considered.]
no subject
But he doesn’t like the question given him, even if Steve says it earnestly with clear motives. It reminds him too much of when Steve used to ask him what he thought of things, just to make sure he was doing the right thing (not that a specific instance comes to mine, but he remembers the way Steve asks so distinctly that he feels as if an example is on the tip of his tongue). He takes a slow breath, drawing his lower lip into his mouth briefly and letting his teeth scrape roughly against the skin as it slips back out.]
Am I supposed to know? What I want. [Because there are only a few things he’s ever really wanted, and none of them are up to Bucky.] Getting by is all I know how to do.
[And it’s really the plain truth. Surviving is all he’s done, making things work so he can keep providing for the people he cares about. Except even that fell apart for him. He isn’t sure saying what he wants at this point will have an affect on things. What he wanted never really made a difference in the first place, all things considered.]