lefthandfree: (before it's gone)
James Buchanan Barnes ([personal profile] lefthandfree) wrote 2016-08-16 04:49 am (UTC)

[He falls silent and just listens. Because Steve is reason while his own mind is chaos right now. But it still gets jumbled up, and he just doesn’t know.]

How’m I supposed to keep you going if I don’t know who the fuck I’m supposed to be?

[It comes out a little harsher than he intends, so he mumbles a quiet apology before he continues.]

I know how to be who I was before and during, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to be like now. I don’t know what to do with anything, it’s—Christ—terrifying, okay? The only me I know how to be now is what they did to me. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to be that. So what am I? Who am I supposed to be if it’s not for you?

[He doesn’t expect an answer. Really, he could be asking God or whoever else at this point. But it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t expect an answer.]

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