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[lefthandfree]

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[lefthandfree]

[He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Defeat hurts. Bucky wishes it didn’t happen every damn day.]

No, no.

C’mon, Stevie, don’t be sorry. I know you weren’t—

[A proper sigh this time as he presses into Steve. Fuck pretense.]

It’s not you. It was never you. It’s just my shit, and you don’t need my shit like this.

[What a royal fuck-up. Good job making things worse for your best guy, Barnes.]

I should— [He draws back.] —go.

[Collect his head. That way Steve doesn’t have to see how broken he really is and how none of the pieces fit right anymore.]

I’ll ruin your morning at this rate.

[battletested]

You never asked for it either!

[ Maybe it comes out too defensive, but Steve doesn't give a fuck about that. He makes an abortive moment to be close to Buck, and ends up just with a hand on his elbow, lightly. Can't stop him from leaving if that's what he really wants to do, but Steve hopes that he'll stay. Might not talk, but being near him is enough of a salve. ]

Bucky.

[lefthandfree]

[The way Steve says his name always arrests him. He can be mad out of his head, but as long as he hears Steve say his name, he’ll stop, take a breath, and look Steve’s way.

It’s what he does now, and given their proximity, it’s just a simple tilt of the head. Up as is the new usual. He's still breathing hard, but his attention is all Steve.]

...yeah?

[It’s quiet. Controlled in a way he shouldn’t be but is.]

[battletested]

[ Steve's hand drops. He's abruptly conscious, and hunches up his shoulders, feeling small. ]

Do you need to go?

[ Because if it is, he will put away everything that screams for Buck to stay here, where he's safe and they can protect him. ]

[lefthandfree]

[He doesn’t really know.]

I don’t want to.

[But does he need to? Even now, his heart slows, and he feels a gentle ache because he knows he's hurting Steve.]

Do you...

[...and then he can’t bring himself to finish. He doesn’t have a right to ask. He’s already made such a mess.]

[battletested]

[ Pain is nothing. It can be borne, and since the procedure he can breathe, sickness of the body rolls off him. This is only an iota of the pain Bucky's gone through over the years; Steve has no right. No right at all. ]

I want you to stay.

[lefthandfree]

Okay.

[And that’s all it takes. His heart steadies. Is this what he needs?

He leans in again, unsure of if Steve’s willing to lend his shoulder. Air flows through him, and he doesn’t care.]

I’m here.